Question:
My new husband lies and looks at porno on the Internet. He says he will be honest and stop but he doesn’t. He also watches TV while I do all the work but says he loves me. I’ve been divorced once and don’t want to go through it again.
Answer:
First, about the lying. Your new husband is not likely to stop. Everyone lies about something but for him, it seems to be a pattern. He lies since telling the truth ALWAYS gets him in trouble whereas a lie means sometimes he doesn't get caught and has no negative consequence.
About the porno, don't expect him to stop that either. Men love to look at naked women....trade your husband off and the next one will also love to look (unless he lies). Unless his porno watching is of children, extensive so that it interferes with his work/your relationship time together, it may be easier for you to drop than to make an issue out of it.
The real issue you should focus on is his treatment of you...you are the slave in the relationship...where is his respect for you, his help in chores, his spending time with you, showing you affection?....These are issues that are important and that you have a legitimate right to be concerned about. Bottom line, talk to him and tell him what you want....time together doing things, watching TV TOGETHER, help around the house. Of course, he'll blow you off and say he loves you and you're just being oversensitive....while he picks up the remote and looks for another channel.
If you want real change, you'll have to let him know you are serious...you want him to go to a marriage counselor with you or you are calling a lawyer. Of course, think long and hard before you play this card because he may call your bluff....and you've been through one divorce and know it is no picnic (devastating more likely). So be careful.
Wife and Ex Wife Problem
Question:
I am in my second marriage and live 90 minutes from my kids, 10 and 6. I want to buy a small house next to my kid’s school so their lives will not be disrupted by being away from their friends and school activities when they are with me. My wife hates the idea. She has two children from her first marriage who live with us half the time but she says she doesn’t want a part time marriage.
Answer:
Your solution is unique and would serve to avoid disrupting your kids and their school lives, peers, activities, etc. It also ensures you a meaningful and active place in their lives.
Ask your wife under what conditions would she feel OK about your doing this....what can you do for her and her kids to let her know that you also love her and her kids....special things you do with her and her kids when you are not with your kids....a trip to Disney?...with just her and her kids...you get the point.....make her know you care about her and her kids too and what can you do to let her know you are there for them.....in exchange for her letting you get the temporary house next to your kid's school.
Make clear to your wife that you do not want a part time marriage either. Your being next to your kids is just what you do as a parent to take care of them....just as she devotes time to the care and development of her children. She is always full time in your heart no matter where you are.
